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2/28/2005  

today...


The sun is shining brightly and turning cloudy skies to brilliant silver. Puddles are reflecting silver and green. Everyone in the house is healthy. My ruby plant cutting has sprouted tons of roots. My beignet dough is resting and preparing to be fried tonight after dinner.

Today should be a glorious day. Today should have been one of joy. Today I should be giving birth to dragonet #4.

But I'm not. Obviously. I'm not quite sure why this miscarriage has been so difficult for me, but the entire experience has been horrific -- from the discovery that my pregnancy wasn't viable to my body not wanting to expel the placenta to my weekend in the hospital to my insurance not paying any of my bills. Yes, they agreed several weeks ago that they should pay it all, but as of yet they haven't.

This depression just doesn't want to go away. It's seeped its way into every aspect of my life. I'm barely functioning. My life is on automatic. Little things that normally bring me great joy do nothing for me. I haven't written anything for weeks or photographed anything or kept up my 6 miles of walking a day. I haven't kept the house spotless or cooked in any manner other than hurriedly (except for bread). I haven't weeded my garden.

Now my house looks like the inside of my mind -- cobwebby, neglected, grey.

And my husband says he hasn't noticed. That is probably the hardest emotional hit I've had since 21 July.




2/15/2005  

blue devilled


Feeling negatively blue. Possibly as blue as Duke feels after dropping two this season to the Terps (!!!).

On the positive side:
Davidson beat Wake Forest today on the Deacons' diamond. I was pleasantly surprised.

My brother quit his job and is going to work for KNI. He'll be doing special projects. Quite cool. Way to go, Kirk.

My cousin Jo now has employees. Yes, employees. Business is doing well. May it continue to grow.

Jesse's kitchen is closer to being ready. He's impatiently awaiting the arrival of his sink. Robert will go back to help him install it once it does arrive.

My cousins Kari and Logan enjoyed their copy of my story -- My Granny Can Fly!




2/9/2005  

off kilter


That's me. Not feeling quite myself these days. Not feeling horrid. Feeling not right.

Tomorrow I have my monthly visit with Dr. Q. Perhaps if the two of us put our heads together we can come up with a solution. A workable, non-medicated solution. I'm tired of meds that make me feel tired, that slow down my metabolism.

Of course I have to weigh those side-effects against climbing the walls or feeling lower than dirt -- separately -- together -- one after the other.


****

on a side note, I'm vastly amused by the number of people who now cannot find my blog. *snort I give them 3 days to figure it out.




 

pacing


Tonight UNC plays Duke at Cameron Indoor Stadium. I'm a nervous wreck. I dread the emails that will commence if Duke dares to fall under the heels of Carolina.

Dad and I are wondering which coach will collapse first. Williams due to his run in with the flu. Coach K with his random dizzy spell.





2/7/2005  

delegation


Good leaders know how to delegate well. They know what people are capable of doing and entrust them with appropriate tasks. This enables a group to function smoothly as a team. A person who doesn't understand how to delegate can end up with a royal mess on his hands... one that will invariably end up with many fingers pointing in many different directions. The leader who never gives up any control is not a leader.

Kari is not a good leader. Instead of dividing up tasks according to ability (not to mention evenly), she handed over the majority of responsibility to one person. This person is failing the majority of her classes. Her current GPA is a 0.8. For this social studies project they are working on, Kari told her to do all the research and writing. Kari herself would be responsible for editing the paper and any illustrations she feels are necessary.

I went through the roof when Kari told me this. We had a long discussion about what was to be learned from this project and therefore why this was inappropriate. We also had a talk about why the division of responsibility was even more inappropriate when taking into consideration the person with whom she is working.

After this long discussion -- okay, so it was more a lecture -- Kari mentioned how in one of her classes they divided into groups to do a compare/contrast project. Kari's group decided to compare/contrast Usher and Ludicrous. She hasn't a clue as to who they are, so she sat back and drew yin and yang on her ankle.

Kari will be telling her teacher that she shouldn't receive a grade on this particular project since she contributed nothing.





2/4/2005  

good luck, ODMA!


Tomorrow morning Rick's martial arts team has to defend its national title... the title it has held since 2001. Oh my. The pressure!

These two are on our team -- thank goodness! A & T both hold black belts. One has been training for 10 years, the other 5 years.




2/3/2005  

lullaby


Hush, little baby, go to sleep.
The sun has gone to bed,
and so must you.

Hush, little baby, begin to dream
Of lollipops and moonbeams
and castles in the clouds.

Hush, little baby,close your eyes.
You just might see the cow
jump over the moon.





2/2/2005  

sports and more sports


Rick had his final practice before Saturday. He had an awesome two hours (except when arm-barred by Nicole) and should do quite well this weekend -- assuming his mind stays focused. He's asked that we bribe him. This gave me the giggles. One of his friends was bribed. His dad told him that if he placed first, they would go to Hooters for dinner. T won first in Gi and No-Gi. He claims that he likes Hooters for the wings. (Ha! It's all about the breast meat, I'm sure)

Robert had his second softball game of the week. Monday night they were humiliated. The ump ended the game in the fifth. Lovely rule -- the smear rule. Tonight they weren't much better, but at least the game went the full course. Robert managed to get a decent hit. Perhaps his hitting slump is at an end.

Duke LOST AGAIN. Dammit!




2/1/2005  

scrimmage


Only 4 days remain until NAGA nationals. Only 2 more practices. Nerves are starting to become unsettled.

Tonight ODMA scrimmaged TKA. TKA came in looking for blood... or at least to submit ODMA. For the most part it was a draw. A good time and a tough workout was had by all.

Rick, Matt and Joe had a difficult time. No one from TKA was their size, their level of experience. The three of them know each other so well that fighting each other can be done while sleeping. Seriously. Rick and Matt both grappled with a girl who is taller and has at least 20 pounds on them. She also has more experience. She submitted Rick twice -- once by arm bar, another time by guillotine.

Rick is pissed.




"Earth laughs in flowers." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson